Thanks Ingrid, I'm glad my writing resonated with you. Do you manage to give yourself permission to be unproductive, or creative, or rest or replenish - whatever your conditioning tells you is 'wrong'?
We’re so conditioned to ‘do’ all the time in our culture it’s tragic really. As mothers we don’t count the mental load or emotional regulation we are constantly working at as work because our society treats it as the natural condition of motherhood. Even if we’re not ‘doing’ anything that work is always happening in the background and that’s tiring in itself.
If you have children with mental health problems or that don’t fit the societal norm (especially where we both live) it can feel like we can’t rest until they fit in. It takes a huge effort of will to go against these expectations and comparisons.
I love the image of you quietly cross stitching in the sun and embracing the natural order and rhythm of life. Exercising the same tenderness and humanity you bring to others xxxx
Thanks Sarah. I'd forgotten about the mental load, and the fact that we don't get or give ourselves credit (well my inner narrative often doesn't) for all the mental planning, having a million tabs open, emotionally holding our children, sacrificing our time in ways that benefit our family but which don't have any tangible result except love, happiness, safety - which don't count when you compare them to reaching professional goals, writing a book, getting promoted, making money etc.
It is totally nuts. I'm thinking about writing a post on housewifery (which is maintenance instead of productive progress so of lesser value than 'real' work) and another on how much energy (physical, mental, emotional) it takes to parent. Hours and hours can be spent on really important parenting duties and at the end of the day we wonder what we've been doing all day because we have 'nothing tangible' to show for it.
That would be very interesting and valuable. Carlin writes on the subject of unpaid care and India Rakusen’s latest podcast ‘Child’ is fascinating on the concept of how we’ve been conditioned to believe mothering will be a natural and effortless pursuit (it isn’t) xx
Loved this post Thea and could relate to so much of it. Going against the grain and resting is a radical act, and like you say after a few days of resting, you get a chance to top up your energy levels so you end up doing what you want to do anyway, just maybe to a different timescale that you originally planned. I've always wanted to try cross stitch but haven't yet, crocheting huge colourful blankets is my craft of choice atm. Oh and watching Bridgerton too! X
Thank you Thea. I think that taking time for ourselves away from the rush is what’s needed to survive the pressures of modern life and family life. Sitting, walking, crafting, do whatever it takes to allow your mind and body to relax and reflect, and ultimately heal. I think we are all energy in the end, and that our energy levels will ebb and flow through the days, weeks, months and years, and if we can match our energetic levels with the right activity then we are being our most productive at that time - this thought might help you tick your productivity box!
Thank you for this. You put into words beautifully my own experience at times. I hope you continue to allow yourself to meet your needs.
Thanks Ingrid, I'm glad my writing resonated with you. Do you manage to give yourself permission to be unproductive, or creative, or rest or replenish - whatever your conditioning tells you is 'wrong'?
We’re so conditioned to ‘do’ all the time in our culture it’s tragic really. As mothers we don’t count the mental load or emotional regulation we are constantly working at as work because our society treats it as the natural condition of motherhood. Even if we’re not ‘doing’ anything that work is always happening in the background and that’s tiring in itself.
If you have children with mental health problems or that don’t fit the societal norm (especially where we both live) it can feel like we can’t rest until they fit in. It takes a huge effort of will to go against these expectations and comparisons.
I love the image of you quietly cross stitching in the sun and embracing the natural order and rhythm of life. Exercising the same tenderness and humanity you bring to others xxxx
Thanks Sarah. I'd forgotten about the mental load, and the fact that we don't get or give ourselves credit (well my inner narrative often doesn't) for all the mental planning, having a million tabs open, emotionally holding our children, sacrificing our time in ways that benefit our family but which don't have any tangible result except love, happiness, safety - which don't count when you compare them to reaching professional goals, writing a book, getting promoted, making money etc.
It’s nuts that caring and parenting isn’t seen as work. Anyway darling I see you, thank you for your words of wisdom xxx
It is totally nuts. I'm thinking about writing a post on housewifery (which is maintenance instead of productive progress so of lesser value than 'real' work) and another on how much energy (physical, mental, emotional) it takes to parent. Hours and hours can be spent on really important parenting duties and at the end of the day we wonder what we've been doing all day because we have 'nothing tangible' to show for it.
That would be very interesting and valuable. Carlin writes on the subject of unpaid care and India Rakusen’s latest podcast ‘Child’ is fascinating on the concept of how we’ve been conditioned to believe mothering will be a natural and effortless pursuit (it isn’t) xx
Thanks, I'll take a look at those. xx
*Catlin
Loved this post Thea and could relate to so much of it. Going against the grain and resting is a radical act, and like you say after a few days of resting, you get a chance to top up your energy levels so you end up doing what you want to do anyway, just maybe to a different timescale that you originally planned. I've always wanted to try cross stitch but haven't yet, crocheting huge colourful blankets is my craft of choice atm. Oh and watching Bridgerton too! X
Hi Jenna, thanks, and I'm glad it resonated. I'm glad you spend time on crocheting. Do you have any photos? xx
Thank you Thea. I think that taking time for ourselves away from the rush is what’s needed to survive the pressures of modern life and family life. Sitting, walking, crafting, do whatever it takes to allow your mind and body to relax and reflect, and ultimately heal. I think we are all energy in the end, and that our energy levels will ebb and flow through the days, weeks, months and years, and if we can match our energetic levels with the right activity then we are being our most productive at that time - this thought might help you tick your productivity box!